Tighten your budget — and your family bond

Let's face it: a tough financial time isn't something on your family's wish list. But when it's time to tighten your family's budget, use it as the perfect time to tighten your bond as family. Here's how.
"In this economy, it's not uncommon for families to have to re-evaluate their spending," says Sharon Shenker, therapeutic Family and Relationship Coach. "But when one parent loses a job, the family income suddenly drops, or family debts are too high to carry while still maintaining the same lifestyle, one of the things to do is involve the entire family in a family finance discussion. By having a family discussion — even with your kids — what you lose in income can amount to big gains in bonding as a family."
Here are Sharon Shenker's top tips for making the best of a tough financial situation and come out of it as closer knit family — even with the youngest members.
Set a time for discussion. "If you already have family meetings, set one to discuss finances," says Sharon. "If you don't, then having one suddenly will send a distress signal of sorts. If that's the case, set up an informal one by saying, 'Let's make popcorn later and talk about something new and that the family will be doing together.'"
Ensure everybody is present. Sharon Shenker recommends that every family member is present. "You want to ensure that everybody hears the details and plan at the same time."
Include young children. "It's important to include even young kids because they can take things personally," she explains. For example, if you decide to cancel a family weekend away, youngsters may take that to mean that they are personally being punished and feel that you are being unfair to them.
Tailor your message to kids. "Younger children don't need to hear all the details, such as a breakdown of how the family income or finances have changed," she continues. "What they do need to understand is that no one is to blame, but the family needs to cut back for now — not forever — and that the entire family will get through this together." Of course, your older children may ask questions that require some detail. Be honest with them by breaking down your expenses (like mortgage costs, utility bills, car payments and so on) so that they start to develop a healthy respect for the cost of basic essentials.
Detail how family life will change. Even if they don't ask, answer the question, "How will cutting back change our life as a family?" Be prepared to answer in details you kids can understand and provide alternatives. For example, instead of saying no more weekly outings for pizza and a movie, tell them that you'll make homemade pizza and rent a DVD instead. That way, they won't feel like all the fun is suddenly zapped from their lives.
Take steps to relieve your stress. Children learn through observation and you are their primary role model. Read The positive side of job loss for tips on how to deal with your stress — like laughing or performing a breathing exercise together — so that your children can follow your example as a strong, focussed and productive adult.
Point out the positives. Show your kids that with a loss in income, they gain more quality time as a family. "When one parent loses a job, it usually means they can spend more time with the kids," says Sharon. "Tell your children that mom or dad will be able to pick them up after school and take them to the park before dinner, or that there will be more time to enjoy additional activities as a family." (Try the interactive Family Fitness Match Game to find great activities your entire family can enjoy together.)
Start new family traditions. Swap buying gifts for making gifts. Forget the take-out and create a meal as a family. "It's also important to change the meaning of things," she advises. "For example, a vacation doesn't have to mean getting on a plane or going to a beach resort. The new meaning can include taking a weekend to go camping — even in the backyard — or planning a week of family outings to explore local festivals."
Let your kids help — in more ways than one. If older kids want to contribute some of their earnings from part-time jobs or if your little ones want to break their piggy banks, let them. This will teach them that everything they contribute to the family is respected and appreciated. But, as Sharon Shenker, recommends, "You want to take that one step further by volunteering as a family at a local food bank or soup kitchen. This way, they will see that they are far better off than other families and that there is always hope and help available."
Always remember that life does have it ups and downs, but when your family bands together and works as a unit, you're more likely to see the plusses rather than minuses. And that's a great lesson to teach your children.