And the weather grew mean.
It was 3:00 in the morning,
And I was stranded in Queens.
The tavern grew empty,
The gas lights grew dim.
The horse-drawn carriages
Were all but snowed in...
Last call was approaching,
And my fortune looked bleak.
Then I turned to my left,
And stifled a shriek.
She had a peach fuzz beard,
And weighed 16 stone.
She gobbled up hot wings,
And swallowed the bones.
I muffled a scream,
And throw up in my mouth.
I asked: "Where do you live ?"
And she said: "One block south."
I swallowed my pride,
And six shots of whiskey.
And prayed to the gods
That she wasn't too frisky
Back in her cave,
She prepared us a snack.
Beneath her mighty hooves
The floorboards did crack.
But when she returned
She found a sound sleeper.
And thus she became
The Sexless Innkeeper.
__________________________________________
'T was the night before this one,
I had hours to kill.
I sat in the tavern,
Grading parchments with quill..
A busty young lassie
Flashed me a grin.
Her gard said "classy",
But her eyes whispered "sin".
She said: "You're a teacher ?"
I said: "Yes, indeed."
"I must have you!" she moaned,
"I'm turned on by tweed."
With haste we did scamper,
To my chamber anon.
We fell to the couch,
And bro, it was on.
I unlaced her bodice.
Our passions grew deeper.
And thus ends the tale
Of the Sexless Innkeeper.