How I met your mother S05E04 - The sexless innkeeper

'T was the night before new year's,

And the weather grew mean.

It was 3:00 in the morning,

And I was stranded in Queens.

The tavern grew empty,

The gas lights grew dim.

The horse-drawn carriages

Were all but snowed in...

Last call was approaching,

And my fortune looked bleak.

Then I turned to my left,

And stifled a shriek.

She had a peach fuzz beard,

And weighed 16 stone.

She gobbled up hot wings,

And swallowed the bones.

I muffled a scream,

And throw up in my mouth.

I asked: "Where do you live ?"

And she said: "One block south."

I swallowed my pride,

And six shots of whiskey.

And prayed to the gods

That she wasn't too frisky

Back in her cave,

She prepared us a snack.

Beneath her mighty hooves

The floorboards did crack.

But when she returned

She found a sound sleeper.

And thus she became

The Sexless Innkeeper.

__________________________________________

'T was the night before this one,

I had hours to kill.

I sat in the tavern,

Grading parchments with quill..

A busty young lassie

Flashed me a grin.

Her gard said "classy",

But her eyes whispered "sin".

She said: "You're a teacher ?"

I said: "Yes, indeed."

"I must have you!" she moaned,

"I'm turned on by tweed."

With haste we did scamper,

To my chamber anon.

We fell to the couch,

And bro, it was on.

I unlaced her bodice.

Our passions grew deeper.

And thus ends the tale

Of the Sexless Innkeeper.